You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
