he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
