yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is it penis luge time yet?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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