did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
