I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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