life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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