Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drake has all the answers
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize