you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
