The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
