I looked at my own cervix.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize