if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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