i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"