well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
COCAINE IS GR8