and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
