ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
