You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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