I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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