Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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