I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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