3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
