i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
