my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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