I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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