sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cut my penus on the lid.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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