her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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