he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
