Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
