I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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