i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
