I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
