tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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