who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
