I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
