i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
