I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
