mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
