theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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