Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
