So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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