it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
