you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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