Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
