dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
