i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
