i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
