why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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