I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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