That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
