how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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