You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
