How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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