Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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