He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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