i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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