grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
