So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
