On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
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Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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