lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
