I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
