I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
