Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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