He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize