We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
