I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
