Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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