Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
