Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
