it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
