she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
