I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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