it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The uberlube is also flammable
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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