mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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