So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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