my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
