New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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