She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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