I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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