hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
