The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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