Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
