come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
