Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
