I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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