dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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