what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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