he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
