I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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