So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
