I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
